100 Days · Journey

Day 3: My Legs

I am so grateful for my legs.

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I used to hate my legs. Absolutely hate them. They’re covered in scars from when I was a child.

I was always a very active child. Any sport or activity I could do, I did. And most of the time, I fell down while doing it. I mean, if you’re not going to go all in, in the activity you’re performing, why even do it in the first place? I dove for footballs, sped on bikes, fell from trying to run too fast, and that’s just the beginning. It was fun! And I don’t regret any of it.

My scars aren’t just from being an active child; I was outside a lot, and I hated bug spray. My legs were (and still are) mosquito magnets. Just going outside for 20 minutes, I’ll get bit by mosquitoes 5-10 times.  Of course, I would scratch the mosquito bites, and then they would form scabs, and from scabs would come scars.

The final culprit of my legs’ pock-marked appearance comes from my cat. I loved my cat, and I wanted to show him that love all the time. Needless to say, he didn’t always appreciate an overly affectionate 8-year-old’s way of showing love.

My skin is pretty unforgiving.

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Sorry for the awkward picture. Trying to get pictures of all of my marks can be hard when I’m home alone.

I get marks very easily. And once I get a mark, it takes months or even years to go away. So every cut turned into a scab, and every scab tried to heal, and every scab got picked, and every scab tried to heal again, and every scab turned into a semi-permanent mark. The mark would either hang out for a couple of months or years, or it turned into a scar and has stuck with me til this day.

I remember once my mom warned me that I needed to stop getting hurt and picking my scabs. She told me that no boy would want to be with me if I didn’t have pretty skin, and that made me anxious, which made me pick my scabs even more. I was also extremely rebellious, so I was like “I don’t want a boy who doesn’t like me anyway!” and I went back to running, and playing, and creating more scars.

As I got older, I realized that everyone else had smooth legs with no battle scars, and instead of wearing my scars like the war medals they were, I began to wear them with shame. In high school, I was especially ashamed of my legs. Mind you, my legs take up a good 40 of my 66 inches. I remember thinking “Why are everyone else’s legs so silky smooth and mine look like little bombs went off all over them?” In high school, I did everything I could to cover up my legs. I never wore shorts, and prayed that I could have smooth, blemish-free skin like my peers. I felt like my legs were a dark secret that I had to keep from the world.

But I’ve realized, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.

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In fact, I’m ashamed that I was ever ashamed of my lovely legs. I love my legs. They’re strong. They carry me. They’re muscular and fatty and wonderful and mine. I would be nowhere without my legs, and I would get nowhere without my legs. There are so many muscles at work there and they all work together so seamlessly.

I don’t care if I still wear scars on my legs from battles I fought when I was younger; they show that I’ve lived. And I don’t care if my legs aren’t as muscular as they used to be; they show that I’m enjoying my life.

I’m just so thankful that I have legs at all, and that they are able to carry me everywhere. I know my legs carry me not only physically, but also metaphorically. I’m not only thankful to have my legs, but I’m proud to have them as well. I couldn’t have asked for a better set of walkers. These babies are long, lean, and beautifully scarred, and I’m damn proud to have them.

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Check out my fluffy babies!

Also, I haven’t shaved in months. It’s not so much of a “Fight the Patriarchy” thing, but more of an “I’m Super Lazy” thing.

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2 thoughts on “Day 3: My Legs

  1. Talking about being grateful for your legs, have you ever noticed when you walk, the movement of the muscles in the leg, how you, as a person moves forward with each step, thats when I really feel grateful for my legs.

    I look forward to seeing more posts from you !

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s so true, Pauline. Thanks for the gentle reminder to fully present with each muscle movement, and at the same time to stand in awe of how seamlessly they work together to move me as a whole. Truly beautiful.
      Thanks for stopping by!

      Liked by 1 person

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