100 Days · Journey

Day 5: Plants

I love plants.

I love nature in general, and I love being outside, so it has always been a goal of mine to have plants in my home. I think of it as a way of bringing nature to me, and a way of bringing more life to my home.

Recently, I was researching ways to help clear acne and lighten my dark marks, and I came across aloe vera. From the intense research I did, I found that the best way to get aloe vera gel was to buy the aloe vera plant (shocking twist, I know)!

So off I went to Home Depot.

I bee lined for the Aloe Vera plants.

After I decided which I wanted, and placing them in my basket, my tunnel-vision slowly disintegrated and my eyes allowed myself to stand in the awe that is the Home Depot Gardening center.

I was scared, overwhelmed, and couldn’t ask for help.

I don’t know if you guys have been to Home Depot, but the plant section is enormous. I am by no means a *insert person’s name who is a famous gardener* and I’m sure it showed.
I wasn’t necessarily afraid to ask for help; I just didn’t know what I would be asking. “Hey, I really want to start gardening, but I have no idea where to start. I love all of these plants, and I want to take them all home with me, but I can’t keep alive the catnip that I bought from inside of petco. Yes. It was alive and thriving in a pet store, yet at home with me, where it’s the only plant I own, it’s nearing death. lol. So can you help me?” I feel like the person would just be annoyed because if I don’t know what I want, how could they possibly know what I want? But maybe that’s something that I need to work on in my own mind.

I spent two hours at Home Depot.

The entirety of my time spent there was in the outdoor section, and in the bathroom (I pee every 45 minutes like clockwork). But eventually, I found the plants I wanted. My total came out to $102.58, which you might think is a little much for someone who’s unemployed to be spending on plants, but I have news for you: it is.

The reason I love plants and I love having plants in our home is they’re living.

They’re actual beings. They breathe and thrive and grow and they help me to emit good vibes because they emit good vibes. They can’t help it; they’re plants. And they only soak up whatever vibes are sent out to them, so if they’re only sent love, they only emit love.

They encourage me to wake up each morning and thank the day, and thank them for being there and being alive. They brighten up each room that they’re in. I love having them here because they bring life to our home.

One of my favorite parts of having them here is teaching JB to love each plant for what it is. She is such a loving and curious cat, and whenever she interacts with the pants, she just purrs. It’s almost as if she doesn’t know what to do with herself because of all the happiness and emotion she’s feeling, so sometimes she bites them. I don’t think that she’s trying to be mean, but I know when she’s overcome with emotion and happiness, she bites whatever is giving her that emotion; like she’s trying to get that love and light that she feels being emitted inside of her to live there forever.

There is some worry in me.

I worry that I won’t make the time for each of these plants that they deserve. I worry that I’ll just go with my gut on how to keep them healthy instead of looking it up online and going by the book. I worry that even if I go by the book, they will still die. I worry that they will die. I worry that I will kill these plants. These living things that I brought into my home to take care of. I worry that it will be my fault. Their blood (sap?) will be on my hands. I worry that they will be a bigger responsibility than I can handle. I worry that I’m not responsible enough to take care of plants.

And I feel bad for worrying about that because 1. There are so many other things to be concerned about in the world other than my plants’ lives. 2. It’s totally up to me. I get to decide how these plants live. I remember when we first got JB, and I felt the same worries: that we wouldn’t raise her right, that it would be our fault if she didn’t thrive, that she may be a bigger responsibility than we could handle. But I remember holding her in my arms, breathing with her, and deciding that since it was all up to us, I would do everything I could to make sure she lived the best life she could. And I know that’s what I need to do with these plants. I know they’re going to be a big responsibility, but I’m willing and able to put in the work because if I wouldn’t be able to take care of them, I shouldn’t have gotten them and committed to them. And since I did, I am willing to put in the work.

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