Being lazy is easy. Am I afraid of being successful? Am I afraid of what I would be able to accomplish if I actually put my mind to something? Am I content with watching tv shows I’ve seen hundreds of times before with the belief that they provide me with happiness?
Right now, I could be learning graphic design. I could be meditating. I could be cleaning my apartment, but instead, I’m sitting on a couch drinking a bottle of wine that I don’t really want to drink, watching TV that I don’t really want to watch. But why? Am I afraid of success? Or am I just lazy? Or is it a combination?
I guess I shouldn’t focus on the why – something I’ve been trying to teach myself lately – I must focus on what I feel right now, in this moment.
In this moment I”m happy because I’m writing and because I’m watching my cat and because I’m doing a hair mask and taking it easy. And when I’m no longer happy doing this, I’ll stop. I don’t have to keep sitting on the couch, watching TV and drinking wine – I can get up and do what I want to do, and the trick is to listen – listen to what makes me happy and don’t keep doing things that I no longer gets happiness from.